Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
