I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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