White coat. Heels.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
