I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
