I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
