just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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