A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
