I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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