Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
