Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my being single is dangerous.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
