i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
