I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
