For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize