i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
