So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is it penis luge time yet?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
