I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
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No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
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I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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