SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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