Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
