Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
