I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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