I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
