I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
