you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
