We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
