My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
