My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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