She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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