Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
