A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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