how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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