hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
