So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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