I want to walk on stilts...naked
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
