you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
