We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
