happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
