im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
