Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
