do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
