Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
