I just pynch a tree in the face
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
