Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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