I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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