Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
