i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
