guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she told me i tasted like america
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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