i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize