My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
