Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
whose ass print is on the piano?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
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Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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