Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
