he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
