Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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