His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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