so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You did what with his pubic hair?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
