watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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