My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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