How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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