then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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