And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
