ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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