I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
