Im at strip club and am horny
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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