It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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