If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
